i am currently reading my posts since i first started my blog. surprisingly enough, may substance pala, kahit sobrang simple lang ng iba. from heartaches to excitement, to being expectant, at lahat lahat na. well wishes at curses kung kani-kanino, it did come a long way, even if hindi cia kumikita ng kaperahan.. haha!
on another note, what really prompted me to write is because i am worried. something is definitely wrong with me, and i am not liking it.
it has been 2 years since i have been on a relationship and somehow, i have grown accustomed to being alone. i depend on myself alone and i don’t rely on someone else just to feel complete. true, i miss the feeling of belonging to someone but in all honesty, naiinip talaga ako. i love the feeling and being in love, pero pag anjan na, kusang tumitiklop ung security and defense mechanism ko, lalo akong nagiging manhid sa mga taong nagpaparamdam saken. either deep inside ayaw ko sa kanila, or natatakot akong maging part ng relationship na alam kong di ko pa mabibigay ung at least 50% ng nararamdaman nila.
confusing, right? ewan ko ba. nagiinarte ako na hindi dapat. pero hirap kalaban ng sarili kase. I DON’T KNOW WHAT I WANT, AND I’M NOT EVEN SURE IF I WILL STAY WANTING IT WHEN I DO FIND IT.
tangang problem pero the most difficult that i have to deal with so far. bukas ko na i-check kung ano tong pinagsususulat ko, for the mean time, this will stay.