A melancholic afternoon

These past few days, I have been thinking more and more of my old life. I am not sure what triggered it, but I kept on reminiscing the old days. Sure, it makes me lonely and homesick, I guess me being here on a foreign place gives me an entitlement to be this way.

Babe gifted me with my very first vape. I think this made me remember the days when my friends, Rney and Jaimie would spend the whole day smoking, talking and looking at nothing. We would talk about our “younger years” and would dream of having something solid for our group, a house maybe. We would often find ourselves reliving the things that made us laugh at almost everything funny during college, even our bloopers when we go out. We would discuss our favorite shows and recent purchases and even current events. How I miss my friends.

I thought about my old routine. Wake up, prepare for work, commute, go to work. Work, talk to friends, spend some time window shopping during lunch or merely sit at a coffee house and ponder on things from nothing to something relevant. Bug someone for their time so you would not go alone or sometimes for a stick of cigarette. I miss listening to my office friends ramble about life, their concerns, and evrything else. Even if it is just a simple joke that would range from corny to really funny.

I thought about how it was when we were renting our own place. Geoff had his nanny which made it possible for us to go to the grocery without telling off a child not to go too far or not to touch anything for fear that something will break. We were able to go for massages and movie dates.

Lastly, I thought about being able to whisk my wallet, go to a spa, pay for a manicure, a pedicure, a sugar session, a foot spa or anything for “me” at my own expense, without being guilty about spending someone else’s hard earned money. Being able to buy something cute but of no importance, a beauty item, any item at all.

Don’t get me wrong. I like being a housewife now, but there are times that I still miss a lot of things, having worked for the past 10 years of my life. I just thought I was able to adjust quite nicely in our new setup. Maybe this is part of the process, just like the withdrawal period of a junkie. You can’t just take out certain traits, feelings, and thoughts of the past. Given more time perhaps, but not as fast as I wanted.

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